A journal. A private journal only for others who understand what it’s like loving Dr. Jekyll.
Each day I’ll add a new page to my journal. Here’s what it’s all about. The name of my journal is Fuck the Eggshells. Because that’s my goal. To learn to smash eggshells at will.
Loving Dr. Jekyll & Hating Mr. Hyde
I love a man who switches between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. At first this confused me a lot, as I didn’t understand why he’d get so angry over such small issues. He’s not diagnosed as a narcissist, and he may just have other mental problems.
He thinks there is nothing wrong with him and refuses to see a therapist. Of course, it is me who has the problem.
I definitely DO need to see a therapist, but I can’t find a way to do that without letting him know. If I could find one near where I work, I’d do so anyway.
Well, I started keeping a journal about my experiences with him. The journal is not intended as advice. Good god, I have not made the right choices and surely wouldn’t recommend anyone follow my footsteps here.
Am I the Crazy One?
I know I would have loved to read someone else’s experiences to know I wasn’t going insane. So I’m here to reassure others in this position – you’re not crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy, either. It’s possible there won’t be a ‘good’ outcome to this marriage. But I’m the sort who loves a challenge, and as long as he doesn’t become violent, I’m here for the mind games, with the intention of winning on some level.
Again. NOT a recommended path. But IYKYK. I’m not ready to leave. And I’m not willing to say that I’m ‘trapped’. I do have options and I know it. I’m just not ready to take them.
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About the author
A little about my personality. First, I do love a challenge. However, I abhor conflict. It gives me great anxiety to not have the ability to ‘do everything right, all the time’. Anyone in these shoes knows how important it is to try and get everything right, all the time.
I’m empathetic – as I believe most who succumb to damaged men are. I am an artist, nature-lover, healer, comforter, and take great joy in simple things. I’m happiest when everyone I love is happy. I’m saddest when any one of my people are sad.
Loving Dr. Jekyll is one of the ways I’m working to heal myself. It’s helping me see the bigger picture, spanning years.
A Work in Progress
A person who’s happiness depends on the happiness of others is never truly free to be relaxed. I feel as if I’ve made good progress on this aspect. I’m learning to let people sit with their own discomfort. Including my narcissist.
So if nothing else, maybe my journal will demonstrate how I’ve managed to continue somewhat living my own life while married to someone who wants to control it. It’s still a constrained life, but that’s my choice. Sometimes I question that choice, and may decide differently at some point.
Due to the nature of my disclosures here, this group is not open to children. It’s open anyone defining themselves as women who live with or love a narcissistic-behaving spouse or partner.
This journal about Loving Dr. Jekyll is a lifeboat on the river of upheaval & peace that is life with a narcissist (or someone who acts like one).
You’re not alone. Climb in and commiserate.
Access to my Fuck the Eggshells Journal
Access to the blog is by membership. Membership is a paid subscription of $10/month.
This is to help create a safe space for me and you by keeping curiosity seekers out.
THIS particular page that you’re on now is NOT private. Comments here are welcome, but don’t share anything you want to be kept private, as this page will show up on searches and so will the comments.
From what I understand, anything in the private membership space will not be. In there, you can share in the comments whatever you need to share in a private, safe space (the comments on THIS page is public, though. Comments inside the paid space is private).
No Judgement for Loving Dr. Jekyll
I’m not here to judge or tell you what you should do. That’s up to you. I’m not here to offer advice or help diagnose whether your partner is a narcissist.
What I’m here for is to share what I have experienced and how I’m dealing with it. If you feel like you’re loving Dr. Jekyll and hating Mr. Hyde in your relationship, you’ll probably feel a sense of commiseration in these pages.
In this journal I deal with our sex life, curse, and say hateful things. I’m laying my soul bare and acknowledging that I have ugly parts too. I’m not perfect and I do lie sometimes to my husband, and make excuses for him to the world at large because it’s easier than the consequences of saying the truth. This is my weakness.
My journal is called Fuck the Eggshells. And that’s my goal in life.
You’re invited to join me:
It is currently April 13, 2026. I’m adding pages daily until I catch up to where I am right now… three years of journaling so far.
Comments and sharing experiences are welcome, judgment is not.